


Words I Want To Hear

by TheLostSoul



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 16:30:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15889797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLostSoul/pseuds/TheLostSoul
Summary: The morning after they spend the night together. fluff.





	Words I Want To Hear

**Author's Note:**

> Just gotta get this out of my system! I got hooked after I watched the movie (which is refreshing to this world of movies that seems to get convoluted with their thick plotlines) then immediately read the book and this is product of it! I hope you enjoy this.  
> Written in Lara Jean's POV

 

I woke up feeling lightheaded and warm.

I felt the light of the morning sun radiated to the room, I heard the chirping of the birds as they welcome the new day ahead, I felt the coolness of the winter breeze as it enters our room swaying our curtains, I felt his arm under my head as I let my eyes open after last night.

I was surprised to see Peter lying next to me, only because I dreamt of this moment countless times for the past months after we almost did it. I wake up in my dorm room missing him and wondered how it would feel like waking up next to him. Not necessarily _after sex_ but just sleeping together sounded a really big step, one that I read often in so many of my books.

I propped my head up to see his sleeping face. It’s almost a disappointment that I did not see a drool in his face but I cannot get tired of his handsome features. His lashes, eyebrows and chin are almost sculpted by a Renaissance artist.

“Let’s sleep more, Covey.”

I smiled at his protest but looked for my phone to see what time is it and was not surprised that it was mid-morning. My alarm must have gone off. We should return home before our parents get worried.

“Sorry to wake you but it’s almost time to go, Peter.”

“No.” he said sleepily like a child asking for five more minutes. I laughed heartily at his antics as I squeeze his bicep.

“I never knew you were such a baby in the morning. Maybe that’s why you were always late when we were pretend-dating.”

He opened his eyes and looked at me seriously. He took my hand and said, “Only because you’re here with me this morning.”

I can feel the blood rushing towards my cheeks. He did this to me sometimes, saying something romantic out-of-the blue, but it happened often as we started our long-distance relationship. He leaned forward and despite our morning breath, I welcomed his kiss. When we pulled apart, he touched the back of his hand in my cheeks.

“Good morning, Lara Jean.”

“Good morning to you too, Peter.”

He sat up and pulled me towards him. I held part of the bed sheets in my upper body and some pooling at his waist.

“How are you feeling?”

I hear concern at his question. I read numerous magazines secretly about what should be expected after sex but nothing can accurately describe the feeling. _Is it painful?_ Not really a bad kind. _Does it hurt?_ A little bit but expected.

“Honestly?” I asked and he nodded, encouraging me to tell him how I’m feeling.

“I don’t know… I mean, I know that it’ll hurt… and I’ve already prepared myself for that but to do it with it you, it was sort of surreal… Magical even.”

He let out a breath, one that he didn’t know he was holding. He touched his forehead to mine as he whispered, “I’m glad to hear that.”

He withdrew and looked at me, “Last night, I was so scared to hurt you. Despite what happened already, I want you to know that I’d stop if you say so.”

I smiled at the sincerity of his words. I know that he is my first real boyfriend, that we started out as a fake couple and there is a possibility that someday we’re gonna break up, but what I feel for Peter right now cannot be described by anything. My love for him has never been this outpouring since that time at the treehouse.

So, I did something when words aren’t enough, I showed it through my actions. I let go of my hold to the sheets and reached out both of my hands to his face and kissed him intensely. He was surprised at first but nevertheless kissed me back. He drew me towards him by pulling me in my waist. When we were both out of breath, I smiled, hoping he can understand the message I was conveying.

“I love you, Peter.”

“I love you too, Lara Jean.”

I nuzzled my face in his collarbone and embraced him. I can feel the amount of muscles he has gained for his lacrosse. I feel grateful to his intense training sessions and dietary restrictions silently. A hoard of girls would’ve killed each other to spend a night with Peter Kavinsky. Or maybe I’m just exaggerating.

“I don’t wanna go home yet.” He proclaimed as he caress my hair

“Me neither, but Margot’s gonna leave tomorrow and we have a family night. You’re welcome to join us though.” I said as a pulled away, putting my hand in his chest where his heart is.

“Nah, I already got you for New Year’s. Dr. Covey might regret letting me take you if I didn’t bring you home.”

“Speaking of which, how did you convince my dad and Trina to allow us to take this trip?” I said mischievously, drawing some patterns in his torso.

“Well, I may or may not have assured him that we’re both gonna be _safe_.”

My eyes grew saucers and playfully punched his arm. I cannot believe that he insinuated with my dad and stepmom that there is a possibility that we’re gonna have sex.

“Peter Kavinsky! Are you teasing me right now?”

“Ow! Hey! That hurt, Covey! Where did the lady who was moaning last night went?”

“Disappeared and gone indefinitely if you don’t tell me the story.” I feel the love that I felt for him gone for the time being. I may lose my face with everyone in my family if they knew we had slept together. Maybe, they _did know_ in the back of their minds.

“Relax, the kid helped me with convincing with your dad.” He said as he nurses his imaginary bruise.

I gave him the look that says, _Tell me the story or I’ll be mad at you the whole time_. But instead of answering, he focused his attention to the bed sheets and adjusted it on the top of my head and chest.

“Remember that day I video called you and told you I was helping out at your house?” I nodded and he continued, “Well you also know that we needed some new materials at the shop, so I convinced my mom to buy some of your stuff. Old stuff that we can sell.”

I nodded and understood that he was talking about some of Trina’s stuff and some of my mom’s. We had a pile of boxes that we labeled ‘Not categorized’ as Margot and Dad said were the things that Mom was supposed to put out in the house. Korean magazines that features food, architecture for when the time we were renovating the house, photographs that were taken from her college days and antique trinkets when she goes to a market.

“I also delivered some stuff to your Grandma. After that, I asked your dad if we can go on a trip, with Kitty of course, for some adult supervision.” He smirked as he said that

“But Kitty convinced your Dad that the two of us should take it alone. She claimed that was tired of being a ‘third-wheel’.” He air-quoted, which is so unlike Peter. He stared at me, pulling me at my waist again, bed sheets and all.

“But he did give me ‘the talk,’ gave me a birth-control kit also.”

I smirked and said, “Now I know you’re just kidding.”

He stared at me seriously and I realized that he wasn’t joking about my Dad giving him the talk. I suddenly wanted to dig a grave, seven feet underneath and crawl under it. But I just transferred the sheets that was on top of my head to in my face and buried myself underneath his chin.

“Oh, come on, Lara Jean. You don’t have to be embarrassed, they’re your family.”

“Easy for you to say.” I sighed, knowing that it was pointless to hide this. But I suddenly had that an idea, one in which embarrasses me the most because I thought of it. I pulled away and stared at him seriously to vocalize my thought

“Next time, we just don’t tell anybody that we’re taking a trip or spending the night together.”

He gasped dramatically and I can feel my blush creeping up. This kind of idea is something he usually comes up whenever we try to comprise something for the both of us.

“Lara Jean Song Covey, did you just imply that there will be a ‘next time’?”

I hit him again, embarrassed to death. I shouldn’t have told him this idea, he might think I’m sort of a sex addict. But I hear him laugh, the kind that says he was thinking of the same thing and I just beat him to it. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead.

“Just kidding. I would like that too, Covey. In fact, if it were up to me, I would make an excuse to spend time with you every damn day.”

I smiled, knowing that he means it. Peter Kavinsky will do anything to spend time with me despite our university’s distance. But we both promised each other not to do that in order for us to be focused on our courses. In some days, we regret that decision. Because phone calls, videocalls, texts and emails aren’t just enough to convey how much we miss or love each other. In some days, those weren’t enough to convey how sorry we were when we fight about different things or how we can’t wait to tell each other the highlights of our day.

“Does this mean we can sext?”

I doubled over and thought, _leave it to Peter to ruin the moment_.

“What? No!”

“No?”

“No!”

“You won’t even consider it?” he asked as one of his eyebrows raised up. I took a moment to think about the pro’s and con’s. I mean, thinking about it is totally different from telling my boyfriend that I miss him sexually. It will be the death of me.

“I’llthinkaboutit.”

“Pardon? Slowly this time.”

“I said, I’ll think about it.”

He kissed my cheeks as thanks but I can feel that I’m red as a tomato from the embarrassment that I felt.

“Just so you know, I was just teasing. I’m fine with whatever.”

* * *

We stopped over at a diner to ate brunch, Peter ordered a high-protein rich meal composed of toast, sausages, bacon and eggs with orange juice while I ordered a banana pancake, eggs and hot chocolate. I wanted to ask him something that’s been nagging me even before what happened last night happened but I really don’t want to ruin our morning. I thought I was over this comparison between his ex, but truly, one can’t really help but compare the experience. I stared at him as he devours his meal beside me and thought, ‘ _Oh, what the hell’_

“Was it different? With you and Gen?”

He stopped eating halfway and looked up to me, he knows I’m asking him seriously and this is not something he can’t just joke around so he took a napkin and cleaned his mouth before answering, “Yes.”

“How so?” I inquired

“Because, it’s with you, Lara Jean.”

His answer is something I expected, but I don’t know if it implies that it was neither better nor worse. He knows he is my first and that experience is very special for me. But for him, this is not something new.

“What does that even mean?”

He put an arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him as he said, “It means, it was special for me because you gave me something no other man can receive.”

“But didn’t you get Gen’s too?”

He sighed, but indulged me further on my thoughts as he answered, “Lara Jean, there is not enough vocabulary words in the dictionary to describe what I was feeling last night. You’re right that Genevieve gave me that privilege also _but_ knowing that you gave it to me, even after everything we have been through, even with the physical distance between us, ‘special’ is not even enough to describe it. I wasn’t kidding when I said I was scared last night.” He looked away from me and instead focused his attention to my hand when he caressed it as he said, “It felt like it was also my first time.”

He kissed my hand and gazed at me. This is one of those rare moments wherein Peter took my breath away. I have lived most of my life alone, spend my nights watching rom-coms, with my family and other people and I didn’t care less what I was missing, but at this moment, I cannot imagine Peter outside of it. I hope we beat the odds, I hope we can survive through our long-distance relationship, because right now, I am sure he’s the love of my life.

I kissed him, my perversion to PDA be damned. I wish we could go back to the room we slept in. There, I could make him feel what I am feeling right now.

“God, Lara Jean, do we really have to go home?” he asked breathlessly, touching my cheeks

I nodded, not trusting my voice to resist his temptation. I started to imagine what I could I say to Daddy if my resolve crumbles, but knowing that Margot will be gone tomorrow, I felt bad just thinking about it.

Peter suddenly removed something from the pocket of his denim jacket and slipped it in my left ring finger. A silver ring came into view and I gasped.

“Happy anniversary, Lara Jean.” He then kissed my forehead and added, “I got these to show the assholes crowding at you that you are taken.” He then showed another ring and slipped it through his left ring finger.

I smiled, I did not get him anything for our anniversary this year. Last year, I baked us a cake that I haven’t done before and we enjoyed eating it over our dinner at home with Kitty.

“Is it the right size? I got it after I helped out my mom with an estate sale a few weeks back.”

I gazed at it and imagined him walking inside a jewelry shop and asking the saleslady things that I might like based on what he knows about me.

“It’s a little loose underneath but I think it’s all right.”

“What? Let me see it.” He then grabbed my hands to check if he got the size wrong but before he can, I kissed his cheek.

“Just kidding. Thank you, Peter.” When I pulled away, I saw his gobsmacked face and added, “Happy anniversary.”

I gazed at his boyish smile and know that he is proud of himself. I am proud of how far we came from our pretend-dating days. I am proud that he is the boy I fell in love with.

“Saranghaeyo*” I said, this is something I learned from our one month stay in Korea last summer. I taught him how to say it and what it means when I returned and he whispered in my ears that he somehow finds it sexy when I say it. He smiled and held our hands together underneath our table.

“How am I supposed to eat?” I asked playfully as I returned to eating my food. He just smiled and continued eating his sausages with his fork.

“Figure it out, Covey. But I’m not letting go of this hand forever.”

**Author's Note:**

> Saranghaeyo - I love You
> 
> I am currently rereading the book and this may be edited in the future but nothing is sure.  
> Title is a from "Words I Want To Hear" by Suzy Bae  
> Until then~


End file.
